Monday, February 15, 2010

New week, same story

I am just tired all of the time. Over the last couple of weeks I was blaming it on my work schedule with late nights and such being common. Recently though it hasn't been doing that and I still cannot seem to get rested. I'm alert (or so I claim) but I just feel so fatigued. I was talking to a friend yesterday and (I know I've said it here before) I was explaining how I felt. The whole idea of fighting gravity is such a good visual picture. It just seems to take effort to move at all, let alone any meaningful activity. Lifting my arms off of the desk feels difficult and even as I am still, I feel pulled into whatever I am resting on. My arms feel bolted to my desk. I feel like a blob of silly putty, how it kind of runs into a puddle and doesn't want to hold its shape. I've felt this way before, but I guess I've had better excuses than now.

At any rate, I really appreciate how many people are concerned with how I am doing, but all in all I am not materially different form day to day or week to week. There are changes as my activity levels change, but overall I change very little. Perhaps if I look back at the last year or two I can identify differences, but other than how fatigued I feel 'today', my symptoms are fairly static.

So ask me how work is going or the kids are doing. I'm doing fine. I cannot change the way I feel and neither can the doctors or anything like that. To be sure, pray, but I am not nearly as 'sick' as some people may think and I understand that it make some people uncomfortable to talk to a person who has a chronic illness (I can only imagine it is similar to the way I feel about talking to people in wheelchairs. It is obvious there is 'something' there and how do you handle the 800lb. gorilla in the room.). You may think that by bringing up how I am makes you seem more compassionate, or by the opposite, NOT bringing it up means you don't care. I certainly don't feel that way, and wouldn't want you to. I know that you care about me by you asking me about all sorts of things going on in my life, and while my MS is certainly out there, you shouldn't feel like you have to bring it up.

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